Finding PEACE in 2015

Come to me 

Walk with me 

Learn the rhythms of my grace 

Come to me 

I have all you need 

Learn to rest even while you are awake 

Are you tired? 

Are you worried? 

Worn out from the day? 

Have you been in a hurry? 

I will slow the pace.

- Sandra McCracken, Come to Me | Rain for Roots

I LOVE this song. The first time I heard it I pulled over on the side of the road and cried. I was weary, I was worried, I was tired, and I needed God's grace. My kids thought I had lost my mind. Bradley came home and told Jeremy, "Something is wrong with Mommy. I think she is hurt. She cried a lot today." 

We live in a moving world. A world that is moving so fast. Deliveries take 2 days and any longer we call to complain. We are bombarded with Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and a number of other cool apps I decided I was too old to add to my already crazy long list. We feel the pressure to respond to e-mails within a couple hours and to return phone calls or texts faster. We are also told, especially us women, that we can do it all... at once! It's multitasking: an art form we perfected. 

This is crazy!! In actuality, multitasking isn't really possible. When you attempt to multitask, you are actually LESS productive and using LESS of your brain potential. You are also probably way more stressed than those who work on one thing at a time. 

taken from an amazing presentation given by Stephanie Howard, a fellow Junior League of Macon member

And this is where I lived 2014. Working from home was really, really hard. I was trying to balance a husband, a house, kids, and two jobs. I would get breaks, but would quickly fill that time with something else I thought I needed to do. 

Then, at the end of the year when contracts were being drawn and discussed, Jeremy was asking me questions about the kids and I was being asked questions about my future plans, I realized that this isn't what I wanted my life to look like. I enjoyed everything I was doing, but not the way I was doing it. So I began making changes. 

I started by saying "no" a lot. Even to stuff that I wanted to do or knew I'd enjoy. I said no to things that I "should" be doing, but would have to sacrifice time with my family when I already hadn't had much that week. Saying no is so hard for me. I question myself each time the word comes out. I want to do it all. But this past year taught me that I just can't. I have to set priorities and stick with them. 

I began doing more yoga and enjoying the quiet mind. I like doing it at night to refocus myself away from the stress of the day and on to a good night of sleep. This meant no more late night work sessions. 

I re-negotiated contracts that gave me more time away from set work schedules. I delegated more responsibility onto those around me where it made sense. 

I reorganized my e-mail so that I can quickly skim through the important ones and decide if they needed to be responded to now or if they could wait. If it can wait, I move it to a different folder and forget about it until I really do have the time to sit and only do e-mail. 

On the same note, I revamped the way I looked at my to do list and made it more manageable and realistic. One that would not produce stress, but encourage me to focus on one task at a time. 

I created an environment where I could thrive by taking away the need to multitask as much (I am a mom! Some multitasking is just necessary.) and one where I could find time to spend doing the things that really matter. 

PEACE. That's my word for 2015. I want to live more simply, more focused, and less worried. What about you? What do you hope to achieve in 2015?

The Year Was 2014....

And the year went undocumented. Ha! What an insane year it was. I blogged 5 times between January 15 and February 21 and then said, "Screw it. Life is hard right now" and stopped.

Raising a three-year-old is hand work! At two, they have tantrums, they scream and cry, but then they recover oddly fast. But as a three-year-old, they think "if I just keep doing this longer. If I add in all these new words I'm learning. And, on top of that, if I start to reason, but in a way that confuses the parent, the parent will have no option but to give in to my demands." The three-year-old also begins to understand the term "in charge" to mean whoever is making the demands. So, if he is stating he wants to watch TV, then he is in charge and should watch tv. And if you, by chance, try to say no, then he will proceed to scream and cry and argue for as long as you will hold out.

 This, unfortunately, is where my three-year-old failed. He is only just now realizing (at just four-years-old) that I have amazing willpower and I like to be in charge. Always have. So these performances are lost on me. And while listening to crying and screaming    a-l-l    d-a-y    l-o-n-g    have slowly made me want to admit myself into the nearest psych ward, I stand firm and tall in my decisions... until my husband comes home. And then I run as far away as possible grasping for solitude.

I actually had a conversation with a friend of mine that I think kids are making me an introvert. Like I got overwhelmed the other day at an event introvert. Like I will sit in my car for 30 minutes and stare into the wall of my garage just to be alone introvert. I am now one step away from wearing a black trench coat and caring a weird duffel bag.

On top of being screamed at all day, my one year old had her own issues. She is demanding, hungry 24/7, and has a personality that is loud. She wants to be held all the time and dreams of dreaming in our bed for all naps and nighttime sleep. She also has been sick for approximately 2 months, 10 days, 3 hours, and 10 minutes. Seriously, I love this girl so much and we have a crazy bond that cracks me up, but she also drives me nuts with her demanding ways. It makes it impossible to discipline well, impossible to teach, and with the lack of sleep going on over here, impossible to function.

One day, it dawned on her that she could take off her clothes. So we now go without clothes.... and I'm kinda nutty about my kids wearing clothes. I just think it needs to be done. So it's 50 degrees outside, she's eating ice cream cake, she's shivering from being so cold, and she's naked. Does she want to put on clothes?? No, she does not. Reason doesn't seem to play a role in her little mind.

So on top of the kids, I joined a friend in a great small business venture called Greener Grass. It is a great business. Melissa is so talented in teaching and creating beautiful things. She teaches sewing classes, craft events, makes amazing products, and I handle the business side. We worked our butts off this year and are so broke it's sad. Welcome to Small Business America! It's totally worth it and, hopefully, soon we'll start seeing a profit. We are just so fortunate to have the support of so many great people. It makes each day exiting!! Seriously. It's such a neat thing to hear praise about something you put your heart and soul into. It's a high for real.

This year, I also began writing grants for a non-profit. I miss the non-profit world and was so grateful for an opportunity to reenter on my timetable. But, man, has it been hard. Balancing deadlines with littles who have no concept took great practice in patience and the support of an amazing husband.

Speaking of the husband, Jeremy struggled through this year right with me. We grew a lot. We had to learn to communicate better,  handle each other's stresses, and laugh as much as possible.

Over the summer my car was having some issues that were disturbing me greatly. My car is not old at all and has a ridiculously low number of miles on it. Issues should not be happening with my car. Jeremy decided at this point that he was going to learn all about my car and how to fix these things himself. So he did research and decided the issue had to be X. So late one night, he went outside, to fix X on my car. After about two hours, I got a little worried. By that time, it was dark and from how he explained it to me, the issue was a quick fix. So I casually went outside to see the entire insides of my car on our lawn. I, then, asked, "So was the problem with X??" To which he replied, "Oh... so that was what I was supposed to be checking!" No lie. I couldn't make that up. He had been out there for two hours taking apart my car trying to remember what he was supposed to be fixing. I laughed for days about that. Heck, I still chuckle thinking about it. Obviously, we are sleep deprived and enjoy not being around others at this point in our life. Life with toddlers.....

It's funny looking back at the year. It was so hard, but we made it. The year is over and it ended fast. I quite often tell my friends who are just starting to have kids "your days are going to be so long, but your weeks are going to fly by." It's just so true.

In my first post of the year, I quoted the following from Streams in the Desert:

Through poverty, through wealth, through sickness, through health; at home, abroad, on the land, on the sea; in honor, in dishonor, in perplexity, in joy, in trial, in triumph, in prayer, in temptation—“hitherto hath the Lord helped!”

But the word also points forward. For when a man gets up to a certain mark, and writes “hitherto,” he is not yet at the end; there are still distances to be traversed. More trials, more joys; more temptations, more triumphs; more prayers, more answers; more toils, more strength; more fights, more victories; and then come sickness, old age, disease, death. Is it over now? No! there is more yet—awakening in Jesus’ likeness, thrones, harps, songs, psalms, white raiment the face of Jesus, the society of saints, the glory of God, the fullness of eternity, the infinity of bliss. Oh, be of good courage, believer, and with grateful confidence raise thy “Ebenezer,” for,“He who hath helped thee hitherto Will help thee all thy journey through.” -C. H. Spurgeon

How appropriate was this? If you follow me on Instagram, you know that 10 weeks ago, Jeremy and I lost a baby to an ectopic pregnancy; it was our second pregnancy loss in two years and just really hard. Moments since then have been equally hard. I have cried randomly and needed more time alone to think. But, oh, am I grateful. I am grateful because we have hope in Christ that these moments of suffering do not compare to the moments that await us in heaven.

"No more let sins and sorrows grow
Nor thorns infest the ground
He comes to make
His blessings flow
Far as the curse is found
Far as the curse is found
Far as, far as the curse is found"
- Joy to the World

As you begin celebrating Christmas with your family, may you remember that the story didn't end with Jesus being born in a manger and it didn't end with him dying for us. The ending is still to come.

Merry Christmas!

Coming in the New Year!

Merry New Year!

Whew! What a 2010! I don't know about you, but our year has been filled with excitement, new beginnings, and just plain craziness. From buying our first home to learning we were pregnant to actually birthing the child to surviving a newborn during the holidays. Let's just say we welcome 2011 with open arms.

In 2010, I decided to do something I never do: have Resolutions. Well, I'll honestly say that I think I successfully achieved two out of the four. The other two... well, I got pregnant and running a 5k or cooking in a hot kitchen while gagging just didn't seem to fit in. Sorry. I've moved on. You should too.

So in 2011, I decided to aim a little lower. Something basic. But something important. So, Ladies and Gentlemen, without further ado, my 2011 resolution is to make it to the end of 2011.

Now, I know what you are probably thinking... "Wow, how depressing." "Is everything ok?" And I will answer you with a simple yes. We are wonderful. We couldn't be happier.

But having a child under the age of 1 is stressful.

I believe I've already made three calls to our pediatrician in a panic thinking that Bradley contracted some foreign disease. I've broken out in hives to which Superman (this is what I call my family doctor) told me was probably stress related. Umm... ok? AND I make Jeremy remind me about once a day that as long as Bradley is sleeping, pooping, peeing, and eating, I am doing my job wonderfully.... yes, wonderfully.

I think the hardest part for me is how reliant this little man is on me. And by reliant I am referring to the fact that I am his sole source of food. That is a lot of pressure with something that I have very little control over!

I will say that I have been very fortunate in this area. For Bradley and I, the actual act has come natural.  I quickly realized that men are slave to the boob from a very early age. I also think that I could feed a small village with my supply. I even decided to create a light mood for us by singing songs to the little man right before feeding time. You know songs like, "Are you ready for this? Dun Dun Dun.." and "I'm coming out..." and many more that I won't torture with.  But still. When people tell you one thing like how long he should be eating for and you and baby aren't doing exactly that, you begin to freak. You begin to worry about weight and spit ups and things that never even cross your mind when you yourself are eating.

And so you call the doctor... repeatedly. Or cry at the doctor's office when you realize your baby has gained weight instead of losing it and that all else looks great.

It is also at that time that you make your 2011 Resolution to make it to the end. Because solid foods are going to provide this Mom a lot of comfort.

A sad day indeed

This post is about a week late. I have a good reason for the delay. I've been in mourning. Real mourning. Remember in January when I came up with my New Year's Resolutions? Yes, I decided to invite resolution into my 2010.

I was determined that of all years 2010 would be different. I would grow as a person, experience new things, mature for goodness sakes. But then, last week something horrible happened.



It actually didn't start out horrible. It  started out pretty great in fact. I found out through twitter that The Worst Cook in America was holding auditions in Atlanta! Practically my backyard! I was so super excited. Immediately, I began to plan. I downloaded the application, looked at the requirements, and tried to figure out a way to make it that weekend.

The requirements were simple: bring the application and a dish to make. The dish choice was easy. Boxed cake mix. I have a real hard time with boxed cake mix, but I knew that it was the only thing that I could make in front of people. Plus, I thought if I destroyed a box cake and made a couple funny comments, the chances of me being chosen would be higher.

The application was a cinch. I was a perfect candidate. I have the charm, the lack of skill, the funny stories, plus plenty of aprons. I just knew I'd be chosen. Of course, when I exclaimed this to Jeremy, he kindly asked why I would ever want to be on a reality TV show and suggested I not try out. INSANE! I was trying out and he'd have to support me as my husband. Or at least I told him that.

But there was one issue. Shooting started in June and lasted until July. I would have to take the summer off work to participate. Mind you, I realize we are in a recession,  I am on a contract, and I am entering into the busiest time of the year, but it's my New Year's Resolution, People. AND I AM A PERFECT CANDIDATE!!

So when my boss came into my office on Thursday afternoon, I laughed about what I had received on twitter, told her about my resolution, and then the months. Her response was simple "Aw, well you could do that  next year!" Yes, not only hinting that this year was completely out of the question, but also hinting that the renewing of my contract just might not be a possibility. Don't get me wrong. I knew the minute I saw that filming started so soon that I was out, but I still needed to dream.


So this past week I have mourned. I have eaten ice cream cones, chips with dip, popcorn, and donuts. I have wallowed. I have cried. But now, I must come to peace with my resolution fail. And just in case Resolution thinks he's won or has any sort of upper hand in my life, I've decided not to tell him about our move next week. You know, to show him who the bigger person really is.

A New Year

and welcome to a new decade!

I have never been big on New Year Resolutions. Who wants to look back at the previous year and think, "Wow, I accomplished nothing I set out to." How depressing?! So I rebelled, but this year I rebel no more. I decided to invite resolution into my life.

1. I want to run in a 5K. I know, I know. I stink at running. I know, I know. I will complain the whole time and probably continue to be made fun of by family. But I will run in one. It may take me 3 hours (oh, I hope not!), but I will do it.

2. I want to learn to fight fair. I have a problem. When fighting with Jeremy, I fight to win. No matter what it takes. My voice gets loud and my words mean. It's absolutely horrible. I hate it. So this year, I've decided I want to change. If I can't be nice or listen, I should not be allowed to have a voice in the fight.

3. I want to be a little more laid back. I seem to be a bit dramatic at times... you know.. at times. And I'm sure it's a trait that Jeremy just loves about me. But I can, again.. at times, annoy even myself. I look back and think, "Wow, did I really just act like a 5-year-old to get my way?" And since I'm approaching an older age, I suppose growing up should come on along. (Oh, and yes, I said a "little more" on purpose. I've got to go slow, People. I'm no magician!)

4. I want to get on Worst Cooks in America. More on this in a later post, but, just know, this one will be the most challenging one to accomplish and I am fully up for that challenge. No matter how many videos, letters, or crappy meals I have make.

5. I'd like to have a 5th Resolution to round it out, but I can't think of one... Maybe you could help. What resolutions have you set for the new year?? Leave a comment! I'd love to hear them and maybe steal one or six! You know.. to round it out...