December 10, 2009

May I borrow your child?

 Christmas is one of my favorite times of the year. I love the bustle, the decorations, Santa Claus, Church Services, shopping, the food, the music (when played between the day after Thanksgiving and Christmas day... no earlier or later), parties, games, reindeer, and, of course, the Christmas movies. Nothing is better than snuggling under a blanket on a cold night with the fireplace going and hot chocolate in hand to watch It's A Wonderful Life

But for some reason this year I have been struggling to get in full mood of the Christmas season. At first, I thought it had something to do with me wanting to start my own family traditions. Then, I thought maybe it was Mr. Scrooge himself (a.k.a. Jeremy) who did not seem to think there was a point  in decorating this year(a.k.a. celebrating Christmas in our home) because we are traveling a lot this holiday season.

But then it hit me.

The most fun things about Christmas are not meant for someone my age.  Can you believe it???

Example: On Christmas Eve, I can call Onstar and find the exact location of Santa Claus throughout the day. When I heard this, I was super excited. What a great idea?! Well, my excitement lasted all of two seconds because Mr. Scrooge informed me that it doesn't matter because Santa Claus isn't real. And then he asked if I would actually be calling since I am 25 years old.... um... that would be a yes, Jeremy. I will be calling. Because it is freakin' awesome.

So this morning as I was thinking of all the other things I wanted to do during Christmas, I came to the realization that I need a child.

IMPORTANT NOTE TO FAMILY MEMBERS: I am in no way, shape, or form ready, willing, or able to have children at this time nor would I make a capable Mom. I am selfish, busy, and do not think I could handle someone depending on me 24/7. Sorry. 

Yes, I need a child to borrow. In my mind, this is the perfect set up. I can be a kid at heart, you can get a break, and your child will have the time of their life!

Here's the plan: for the next two weeks, I will take your child caroling, Christmas light looking, and to sit on Santa's lap. Your child can help me decorate and bake sweets to eat. I will read to them each night, and watch Rudolf over and over again. On Christmas Eve, we will use Onstar to track Santa, lay out Santa's cookies and hot chocolate, and feed the reindeer. Then, (this is the best part) I will buy all their Santa presents! On Christmas morning, they will wake up early to find Santa was good. We'll read the Christmas story have beignets and, then, I'll return them to you: happy and exhausted.

You will have the easiest Christmas and I'll have a Christmas without Mr. Scrooge making fun of all the things I want to do. If you need recommendations, I can get those to you. You can call anytime. We'll take lots of pictures. And honestly, if you even wanted to join us in some of the activities, you can! I'll handle all the details.

It will be the best Christmas ever!

So, what do you say? May I borrow your child?


Carrie Moore said...

If you would like to borrow my children/a child, mine are available. They can be packed, shipped free of charge after noon on the 18th, as this is when they will be finished with school. They are allergy free and current on all their shots. Thank you for your post.

Kerinsa said...

I wish there was a "like" button! I especially loved the disclaimer for family members. In fact, I've used one just like it with both sides of the family. :)

Jennifer said...

So I say forget the children and do it matter what Scrooge says. I am the same way; i.e., I LOVE all the silly things that only the "kids" should do. BAH HUMBUG back to Scrooge himself!!! And if you ever need a partner to be a kid with and do retarded kiddie stuff with, let me know-I am totally game. Love you.

Jessica said...

hahaha you are too funny! Tell Jeremy to quit being such a happiness ruiner! :)

Merry Christmas Jess.5!

Darleen (Scrooge's Momma) said...

Aren't y'all going to be at my house Christmas Eve? We will sit in the yard and track Santa on OnStar as long as you want. I'll make cookies and hot chocolate, then me, you, and Jennifer will leave the scrooges inside. I still want to be your Christmas child! Love ya!

Ashley Family said...

you are so funny...of course you could borrow my children...but it would ruin your dream of making your Christmas more festive. My kids cry when they have to sit on santa's lap, they have so many allergies it is not fun to treat them to fun food and will not drink hot chocolate. So, i say keep this dream alive until you have kids and maybe yours will be the perfect Christmas kids!