December 20, 2010

How to Get an "A" in Grad School

Choose a good group. Preferably one that does their work and does it well. If you can communicate with them regularly, it helps.

Inform the professor you are pregnant and due on the day of the final. If he's foreign, this will invariably lead to him not wanting many details and avoiding your growing belly. He might even back away from you just in case it's contagious.

Lead the clapping to end all presentations. If you don't, they will last for a really long time and you might miss The Vampire Diaries. This also makes you appear to have been paying attention to all the presentation.

Pay attention to the presentations and make thoughtful comments. While this one is hard, it is necessary for an A. Making one comment per class is all that is necessary.

Convince your professor that you are psychic. This one must happen by chance. For instance, many professors have patterns to choosing random groups for surprise presentations. When one group is not prepared, offer for your group to give the "surprise" presentation. The professor will then ask, "how do you know it's supposed to be your group?" To which you respond, "I'm psychic." The professor will look and notice that indeed your group is to give the presentation. He will then look at you strangely convinced that you indeed are psychic. Do not correct him.

Finally, show up for the final. Since your due date is on the day of the final, the professor may encourage you to not attend the final for fear of labor occurring while at class. Show up anyways. It shows dedication.

When followed correctly, you too can earn an A in grad school. 

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