November 5, 2012

Tantrums of a Pregnant Woman

Unfortunately, the tantrums of an almost two year old and those of a say 8 month pregnant woman are very similar.

An almost two year old usually has tantrums because they are hungry, tired, emotional, or wanting to get their way. An eight month pregnant woman's rationality is about the same. If she is hungry, she wants food 5 minutes ago. If she is tired, she is just plain grumpy and all surrounding parties should seek cover immediately. If she is emotional, one should simply leave her the entire house and only return when she seeks out one's company. And if she wants her way, my goodness, you just better let her have it.

I have also noticed that when my almost two year old is having a moment, the entire house joins in that moment and all the happiness from the room is sucked out. This effect also happens when an eight month pregnant woman decides to show out. The problem with the latter, though, is that usually the almost two year old will join the eight month pregnant woman and the poor husband/father who is standing nearby can do nothing, but watch and wait for when his wife and son return to him normal and happy. This could take a minute or as long as 30 minutes depending on what caused the fit to begin with.

For example, let's say that the wife wakes up hungry. It's Saturday which means the husband usually enjoys making pancakes for his little, growing family. However, he must first retrieve his son who will only be gotten by him. (What love his son has for him?!) Once the son joins the mother in the bed, the wife looks at the husband and asks, "What's for breakfast? Pancakes or do you want to go get something?" The husband, who is still very tired, cannot seem to make a decision and joins them in the bed. The wife is still hungry. "Honey, I'm hungry. What's for breakfast?" "I don't know. What do you want?" "Food." "What kind?" "I just told you. Pancakes or you can go get something." "What do you prefer?" "FOOD!" It is at this moment that the son decides he should join in, "Dada, eat. eat. eat." This is the moment of truth for all involved in the making of a tantrum. The only sane one in the room (obviously, the husband) must make a final decision in one second flat. If he fails to do so, he will face a double tantrum. This will feel much like walking into a room of six babies where four of them are crying as loudly as possible. It is not fun. Thankfully, after 8 months of these 'close calls' and failing at stopping them quickly enough my husband has learned. We had pancakes. He even added chocolate chips to really sugar us up.

One should also note that just like with an almost two year old, one must anticipate a tantrum around every corner. One must be prepared in all circumstances and have a plan of action. If the eight month pregnant woman, slows her walk, get her home and rub her feet immediately! If she mentions food, hand her a snicker bar before she turns into a Diva. If she starts to cry randomly, go in for a hug, but immediately run the other way if she pulls away. And if she wants her way, figure out the best case scenario and go with it.

A husband should also never, ever try to relate. No matter how many aches you may feel or how hungry you might be or how tired you are from not getting good sleep the night before. I can guarantee you that your eight month pregnant wife has you beat and that trying to relate will immediately lead to a tantrum like none other.

Truth be told, you cannot possibly know what it is like to be hungry all the time and yet not physically be able to store that food in your body. Or what it is like to try to pick up a toy off the ground and then get stuck and have to roll your body around and then with a little more jiggling and about 10 minutes later stand up. Or what it is like to want to sleep 24/7, but not be able to because your body has already decided that your new baby will want to eat between the hours of 1:30 am and 3 am and you must prepare now. Or what is is like to not be able to get comfortable in any position or when you finally do get comfortable immediately have a child squish into you or a dog sit on your lap or a husband who wants to spoon you on a couch that clearly because of your belly you are already taking up all the available room on the said couch. Or what it is like to feel like an almost two year old stuck in an eight month pregnant body with no control at all over anything that happens if you suddenly become hungry, tired, emotional, or wanting something specific.

Thankfully, for both the almost two year old and the eight month pregnant woman, these tantrums will end.  The almost two year old will mature and grow out of them and the eight month pregnant woman will have her baby and be returned to normal about 3 months later.

So dear husband, cheer up. One day, you will have a normal family.

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