Canada, Oh, Canada

Last week, Jeremy went on a business trip to the grand city of Montreal where he got to listen to French, eat crepes, and do everything I'd been begging us to do together for years. Unfortunately, it was a strict work trip and I was not to go.... and this did not sit well with me.

Jeremy and I have never been the couple where we must do everything together. Actually, we are quite the opposite. We enjoy each others company and spending time together, but we also enjoy a very different set of hobbies. He's into sports and outdoorsy things. Me? Well, let's just say I went camping once. It involved an RV with air conditioning, a TV, bathroom, kitchen, and it was rough. I prefer to have my sheets changed, food served, and everything nice.

So why I acted like an hysterical 5-year-old the minute Jeremy started packing for this trip is beyond me. But I did. I cried, and not just any cry. It was the type of crying where you lose your breath and start hyperventilating. And I couldn't stop. It was horrible. You would've thought he was going to war, not a neighboring country.

And just as I started to realize how silly I was acting, Parker decided to let Jeremy know his thoughts as well.

We just don't function well without our Pack Leader.

Just my luck!

As you know, Jeremy and I recently went to Nashville. I went to relax, see one of my girls get married, and just enjoy the city. Jeremy went for those reasons, plus to work. He took part in a two-day training class where he learned about programming PLCs. (See, Babe, I do pay attention!) The training was about a mile and a half from our hotel and was scheduled to go from 8:00 a.m. - 4:00 p.m. The plan was that each morning I would wake up with him, drive him to class, and then pick him up when he was done. It was just two-days and he didn't need the vehicle. I, on the other hand, needed it. Parker and I had places to go and people to see.

This was taken at lunch in a local mall. He attracted so much attention that I thought he was going to explode with excitement and a rather large head.

Like I said, we only had to do this routine for two days. The first of which was Thursday. Here's how it went:

7:30 a.m. - Parker and I drove Jeremy to his training site.

7:45 a.m. - Hot sign on at Krispy Kreme. Got two donuts and a coke.

8:00 a.m. - Arrived back at the hotel, ate breakfast, and stayed in the bed watching T.V.

10:00 a.m. - Got Parker and I ready and left to explore the town.

11:00 a.m. - Went downtown Franklin to Mellow Mushroom where we were told we were not allowed to sit on the patio due to the heat. I cried. Parker didn't care. He was hot. We left downtown Franklin feeling very, very defeated.

12:00 p.m. - Arrived at the Factory.

12:30 p.m. - Feeling extremely thankful for the Factory. It is an indoor, air conditioned mall that allows dogs. Parker was extremely thankful too.

12:45 p.m. - Eat and shop. Parker attracts a lot of attention. I hear lots of life stories. We really enjoy ourselves.

2:30 p.m. - Return to the hotel exhausted.

2:45 p.m. - Talk to my brother on the phone.

2:55 p.m. - Fell asleep while talking to my brother on the phone. (Sorry, Ryan!)

3:00 p.m. - Checked to see that my ringer was on and set my alarm for 3:45 p.m. and proceeded to fall asleep.

Now, this part needs some explanation. Jeremy was supposed to get done with training around 4 p.m. both days. In these situations, the first day usually runs the full time or a little over while the second day is usually the shortest. So in my mind, 3:45 p.m. would give me enough time to get up, freshen up, get Parker ready, and get out the door before Jeremy called. Plus, in case he did get out early, I had my phone right by my head so I could hear it ring.... or so I thought.



3:09 p.m. - My phone rings. I sleep through it.

3:15 p.m. - My phone rings. I sleep through it.

3:20 p.m. - My phone rings. I sleep through it.

3:28 p.m. - My phone rings. I sleep through it.

3:32 p.m. - My phone rings. I sleep through it.

3:45 p.m. - My alarm goes off. I sleep through it.

3:49 p.m. - My phone rings. I sleep through it.

3:50 p.m. - My phone rings. I sleep through it.

3:54 p.m. - My phone rings. I sleep through it.

3:59 p.m. - My phone rings. I sleep through it.

4:05 p.m. - I wake up to all the missed calls above, immediately call Jeremy, grab Parker, and run out the door of the hotel.

And here is my conversation with Jeremy:

Jeremy: "Why haven't you been answering your phone?!"

Me: "I took a nap! I thought my ringer was on. It must be broke. I'm so sorry!! I'm leaving now!! I'll be there in just 5 minutes!! Please forgive me! I'm so sorry!! A.K.A. I HAVE YOUR CHILD WITHIN ME! YOU CANNOT KILL ME!!"

Jeremy: "You took a nap?! I thought you took one this morning?? Well, I'm almost to the hotel."

Me: "What do you mean you are almost to the hotel?"

Jeremy: "Well, I decided to walk it."

Me: "Are you insane? Why didn't you call the hotel?? I would have heard that phone!"

And, Ladies and Gentlemen, it was at that very moment that the clouds decided to pour down as much rain as they could on my poor husband. I kid you not. At that time, he had walked a little over half a mile only to be met by a massive amount of rain.

Me: "IT'S RAINING!"


Jeremy: "Come get me at McAlister's. I ran in here when the rain came."


Me: "I only know how to get to your training!! I don't know where McAlister's is!!! WHY DID YOU WALK AGAIN?! HOW AM I GOING TO FIND YOU?!!"

Jeremy: "Just come like you did this morning. It's on your right."

I hang up. I don't have time to search for him in the rain, talk to him, and get Parker all situated. I am also an hysterical mess. I mean, what wife leaves her husband stranded in a strange city to walk back to a hotel in the rain?!

Within a couple minutes, I am pulling up to McAlister's and Jeremy is safe and sound in our car. I, however, cannot stop crying. And here is where pregnancy can be a good thing. I am so distraught and so much time had passed since Jeremy's first phone call that he's over the entire situation. I'm talking about he is as if it never happened calm. He greets me, says it's not a big deal, he would have gotten to the hotel somehow, and that he's not mad.

And so while my luck on that day was really not good. I learned a valuable lesson: When Jeremy gets mad, ignore him until enough time has passed that he is resolved to just accept the situation as is and move forward.

The moment I felt like a mom

The post below was written two weeks ago.

My favorite thing about this blog is making people laugh at my insanity and drama queen ways. I know that I am demanding, blunt, and just plain stupid. I exaggerate to emphasize a point and I probably ask Jeremy a million times before posting if the entry is funny, if he laughed out loud or just inside. I secretly watch as a friend reads it and let the joy of bringing a smile to her face fill my heart. I want this blog to be funny and help you escape into the trivial craziness that sometimes consumes us as if it were the most important thing in the world when in actuality it's just plain silly.


But not everything is funny. Sometimes humor can't fully enter a situation.

And that is today's post.

For the first time today, I felt like a mom. And let me tell you, nothing in that moment was funny.

One minute, I'm rushing to the bathroom for the trillionth time of the day. (Seriously, I'm going on the hour, every hour. And I'm not even that big yet!! What the crap?!) The next minute I'm staring at blood.

And in that moment, I felt like a mom for the first time. I was willing to do whatever it took to ensure my child's health and safety. I would have given up my own life without thinking. All I wanted was for Bradley to stay put and be okay.

Of course, I had an emotional breakdown. My poor boss. She was absolutely the calm voice of reason I needed. I couldn't think straight. I couldn't see straight. I was worried like no worry I've ever felt.

We called the doctor and left a message for the nurse to call me back. Then returned to the meeting we had been in. At that moment, Bradley decided to let me know that he was still there by kicking me... hard. At first, I smiled and sighed thinking that it must mean he was okay and wanted me to know. Then, I thought. "What if he's kicking because he's drowning and struggling to breathe??" (Like I said, I was an emotional and mental wreck. I clearly wasn't thinking rationally.) As I calmly took deep breaths, I waited until my phone rang.

Within thirty minutes, I was in the doctor's office looking at Bradley on the screen, hearing his heartbeat, and being reassured that all is okay and normal. The sonogram technician even said my placenta looked wonderful. A comment that completely freaked me out because you don't really hear that too often. I started picturing this guy walking up to a girl in a bar, "I think your placenta looks wonderful. Want to go out?" haha.. I digress...
 
So while today was completely scary and really not funny, it was comforting to know that this motherhood thing really does come natural. I may be a crazy person entering into motherhood completely blind, but at least I know now with a little more confidence that I might just be okay at being a mom to someone. Heck, I might actually be good enough at it that he might be able to avoid therapy...

for at least the first few years of his life...

Notes from Vacation

This past week/weekend Jeremy and I were able to escape the real world for a few days and enjoy the great city of Nashville, Tennessee. Here's what I took away from the trip.

1. There is no prettier drive than the one through Chattanooga.

2. There is a lake in Chattanooga.

3. I want a house on that lake.

4. I need to become a millionaire.

5. If I won the lottery, I wouldn't tell anyone. I would furnish our house AND buy that lake house... furnished.

6. People are really, really nice in Franklin, Tennessee. I mean, let me tell you my life story nice.

7. Driver's in Tennessee abide by the speed limit. (I don't understand this one.)

8. Traveling with a dog is really hard.

9. I can't imagine doing it with a baby.

10. I think people will need to just come to us until Bradley's old enough to walk on his own... or drive... until then we will be at our house.

11. Parker attracts attention wherever he goes.

12. If not, he will whine until he gets that attention.

13. Then, he will soak it all up and get a really big head.

14. He will also sleep as much as he can. This makes him a really boring travel companion.

15. I will also sleep as much as I can. This makes me almost as boring.

16. My cell phone can apparently be turned to silent without me knowing.

17. If enough time passes, Jeremy's anger at me for not answering my phone and him having to walk a mile and a half to the hotel in the rain will subside (look for upcoming post)

18. One day I will hear Steven Clawson on the radio. I'm convinced. So is Jeremy. And Parker.

19. Bradley really liked him too. He kicked the entire time he played.

20. You should trust him. He knows a lot about music. 

21. I am not allowed to sing karaoke in Nashville.. per Jeremy.

22. I've always wanted to sing karaoke.

23. Friends bring much joy.

24. Tax free weekend? Yes, please.

25. Tiffany & Co. made me smile.

26. The saleswoman there had 6 kids.

27. I may have told her she was amazing to go through pregnancy that many times.

28. She also may have given me her e-mail address.

29. And she might have an e-mail waiting on her.

30. Jeremy doesn't know.

31. Well, until now.

32. The Pancake Pantry changed my life with their french toast and hash brown mound of goodness.

33. I think I ate enough for 5.

34. Weddings are wonderful.

35. Dancing at weddings when five and a half months pregnant is a no go. (Sorry babe.)

36. Hardee's does not know how to put lids on their coffee.

37. Pouring hot coffee all over yourself makes your husband freeze and forget how to unlock the car door, park, or do anything other than stare at you making you say horrible things that you would never say any other time... or knew you knew how to say...

38. This causes your dog to whimper.

39. And you to cry.

40. Jeremy's driving is preparing me for labor. Deep breaths through the nose and out the mouth...

41. Vacation ended too soon.

What you don't want to wake up to

Because if you do, you know that in exactly 2.5 seconds you will likely step in poop.

Thank you, Parker, for reminding me why you do not get free roam of the house, ever.