January 16, 2012

I didn't know I was pregnant

Let's be honest for a moment.

I have really thought for the last four months that I was going to wake up at any moment and be in labor.

I have woken up with occasional nausea. I have had funky "times of the month."  I have felt what I thought was braxton hick contractions. I have had restless leg syndrome return randomly. And then the other day I seriously felt a baby kick in my belly.

I kid you not. It felt like a baby in my belly...kicking. I was completely freaked. So I did what any normal person would do in this situation: I looked in the mirror to see if I had a "belly" and when I was unsure since I'm certain all women post-pregnancy have a slight belly, I ignored it.

I wished it away and went on with my day. Then, it happened again... and again... and again.

That's when I realized that if a baby was in my belly, I would have to be at least 5 months pregnant. This immediately caused me to conclude that my next stop would inevitably be as a star on the popular TLC television show I didn't know I was pregnant.

I was going to sit on the toilet in about 4 months and poop this crazy child out of my belly. Then, Jeremy and I were going to have to kick Megan out of our house, somehow put together a nursery in 24 hours, and try really hard not to have a complete meltdown.

And again I decided that I shouldn't mess with fate and should continue to ignore it. I was going to roll with the punches. Let life happen. And pray this would all work itself out.

Then, today, something magical happened. I opened my Reader to find this blog post.

Now, why did no one tell me that along with the occasional incontinence and about a thousand other post-pregnancy weird side effects, you could also experience what is called a PHANTOM BABY KICK?? I mean, really?? Really?? What crap is that?

Thankfully, I am not alone in the world. However, apparently this could also mean, according to Google, that I am psycho and wishing to go through hell pregnancy all over again.

Either way, I think I'll just keep ignoring it and refer to these moments as "gas."

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